Why Valentine's is my favorite holiday now

I hate holiays - father used to pick me up on holidays. I hate New Years, I hate my birthday, I hate everything in between. I'm glad Valentine's wasn't celebrated in Russia when I was little - it only trickled in years later, and it wasn't a national holiday, which it isn't anywhere, but I feel it must be.

For my family, celebrating love is the most important tradition as of this year. I stopped caring for things - after years and years of typical shopping frenzies that all of us women go through, I don't care to go to malls anymore. I have sold almost all of my wardrobe to Buffalo Exchange yesterday, made $179 on it and was excited because it would be enough for a waterproof breathable jacket for me - to go hiking, backpacking, biking, climbing - with my family. For the first time in my life, I didn't jump immediately online to spend hours picking one out. I'm amazed at this behavior change. Things don't mean anything to me anymore, people do. People are what fills my life, people who love me and people whom I love. I never really imagined how important it would be for me to spend every waking hour with people, yet it is now.

I feel wonderful, and I feel alive. It's been too long - I've been dead for too long. I now bike everywhere, mud splashing in my face, hands getting wet and cold, my back getting sweaty in the old rain jacket, and I smile. I smile to drivers in their cozy warm driver's seats, and even if they don't smile back, I'm happy. For the first time since maybe I was 4 or 5, I'm letting myself feel things. I don't have to be numb anymore, and I feel love.

I love life. On this day, please send love to that one person you always wanted to, for no reason, just because. Happy Valentine's.