Sexual frustration
Friday, July 30, 2010 at 7:48PM 
Guess why girls are being abused by fathers, children by priests, and so on? There is a very simple reason behind this all - sexual frustration. It has been cultivated generation over generation, since the moment when we started agriculture and shifted from gathering to planting. It's a problem for the root of which I was looking for since December of last year - I was puzzled as to where exactly incest comes, just what in our society causes it? And I have finally collected enough information to pinpoint it. Imagine this - from roaming the forests and collecting food, we suddenly shifted to planting food and raising animals for slaughter. In the world where there were no possessions, suddenly you had to divide pieces of land and own it. How did we get there? Population. There were so many of us, we had to settle. What happened before we settled? Well, when there was no institution for anything, there was also no marriage - children were born from different fathers, fathers often had no knowledge of who was their particular child, mothers always knew their children. Fathers didn't need to know who their child was.
What happened after? With possession of the land, people had to ensure the passing of the land to their children to hold on to it - suddenly, knowing who your children were became important. Was it an issue for the mothers? Never. Was it an issue for fathers? You bet. How could fathers ensure that their child was truly their child? Only by knowing who the mother was. And how to do that? Own her. The institution of marriage was born. The ownership of land, woman, child, cow, house (note how it is categorized in Ten Commandments) - those became men's possessions, things. This was the beginning of the crack on sexuality. Instead of being normal free exchange between men and women, sporadicly, as they desire, it was boxed, and the frustration began to mount. As much as we want to believe we can abstain from sex, to not want it, to control it - we hardly can go against our nature. So what happened next? Men had wives, but they also needed to get the natural sexual energy out (not being boxed into having only one woman), and they did it to whomever was weak and belonged to them and was convenient to abuse - their children, mostly, their daughters. This is how patriarchal society works. Women and children are possessions of men - excuse me? Yes, you heard it right.
If you look at different societies, you can see how some are more frustrated, and some are less. Who goes to war and why? To get the frustrated sexual energy out. Do you know what the suicide bombers are offered to do their deed? Virgins in afterlife. There is so much frustration those young men have to go through, it manifests in anger and willingness to do anything, to get it out. That being said, some people are born with more sexual energy, some are with less. If you look at my personal story, my father has some kind of southern blood (which exactly I don't know, never knew, family mystery - I'm planning to send my blood for DNA test to determine it). My mom told me stories how he had to have her in the morning, ran home during lunch for a quickie, and then one more time in the evening. He also lived with his mother until the day she died - he was in his 60's when that happened. She controlled his sexuality to the point when he couldn't bring a girlfriend home (after 3 divorces, he found the 4th one, the one he lives with right now). You're looking at a man whose sexuality, I am guessing, was restricted from early childhood, and I am guessing it was a violent restriction (based from what I know about my paternal grandmother who loved to tell me I had THAT look in my eyes - the look of a prostitute - when I was 15). Pair that with his philosophy on women made to carry water on their backs, and having zero brains, and presto - here is the typical incestuous father.
If you look at data, you can see which nations are more at war and which are less - you can probably trace the reason why to the freedom of sexual expression in that particular country. I have yet to research the stats on incest in other countries for my book, but already I think I can predict what I will find.
Does this mean we have to drop everything and run into the forest, dress in rugs and have sex with whomever, whenever, however? No. It will take us many centuries to get out of what we have gotten ourselves into, but we can make first steps now. Talk to our kids about sex, allow them to express is naturally, don't scold them, allow our teenagers to safely experiment with sex, fight for equality in the family - have fathers take care of children as much as the mothers (there is another reason for that, another stat that I have found - the more a father is away from home - bread winning, whatever - the less he views his children as part of him, the less connection he has to them, the more likely he is to abuse them). The day we will acknowledge our own sexuality, that day we will stop being frustrated. That day incest will stop. I hope I live to that day, or, if not, my book will. I hope my book one day will have no purpose, because there will be no incest in our society anymore.
Photo by Jaci Berkopec.
Reader Comments (4)
I don't think lack of sex causes problems, but lack of love does. I don't think somebody with "southern blood" will go arround hurting people if he (or she) has enough empathy, if he (or she) is a, so called, "good person". Perhaps it all sounds naive, but I met both: people with a great lack of empathy, as well as people whose empathy, love were so great they would make the sceptics feel silly. Love also requires training (any kind of love). It can be a very rewarding challange, as you know. I don't mean "stop warding of predators", though. It would not do any good to anyone, really.
Take care. Will write to you soon:) And perhaps I should start a blog in English as well:)
I agree that love requires training - I try to work on it every day. But love an sex are related - we are just animals in disguise - we love and we have sex, and we love - it is the manifestation of love. Where does love come from? Why do we love? Whom do we love? You gave me food for thought here, I will think about writing on this topic.
I don't have all the anwers, or I have very few:) Love might come from some basic biological needs. But hasn't it evolved into something more? I just read yesterday that primates originally had a sense of color in order to tell the difference between fresh and rotten friut. Now they are able to paint or admire paintings.
I think it is good to realize that we are animalistic on some level. It is also good to realize that we can be pretty bad. But doesn't humanity give us the ability to control our insincts to the point were we can say that we have reached a "new level"?
What do you think of this book? Check it out, it is on the nature of us being animals and not admitting to it - http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280621670&sr=8-1
I don't know if we'll ever reach a new level, maybe we are not meant to do it - maybe we are. But I only now this - love can cure anything :)