Oblivious
Friday, April 29, 2011 at 12:42AM 
I usually do what is in front of me, a task at hand, and I think about it being stretched out into years ahead - diving into miniscule details, then rising above them to see the birds eye view, then diving back down again - all the time oblivious to what is going on in the middle. Which is - what. That is - people. That is - people with emotions and opinions and wishes and wants. That is - real human beings who can't be ignored. I have passed them many times, I have even bumped into them and honestly tried to apologize for disturbance, but never have gotten the desired effect - meaning - them letting me pass through. It has been years, and now it finally hit me for the first time - I was completely oblivious to how this world operates. I am most of the time deep into my own head, or into my own thoughts, or my own stories - but I forget that there is a sea of others, and they have their own thoughts and ideas and opinions and stories to tell - and they really don't like being ignored. Because when they are, when they are not given any indication from me that I'm playing this big game called life too, they create their own rules for me - since I didn't choose any, they publish their own stories about me - since I didn't contribute to any, they push me around simply to see where my tolerance will end and when my game playing instinct will kick in - or, if I have any at all. What I realized was the fact that wether or not I simply want to mind my own business, I have to pass in between, and I have to interact. And if I won't, I will be made to interact not in the fashion that I would prefer, but in the fashion that others dictate for me.
How many years did it take for me to see this? I'm glad it's happening now. I was completely oblivious. Still remember the first episode of proof to this - three girls from my class didn't like the fact that three cutest boys in my class always hung out with me, riding bikes, so the girls told me that they will play hide and seek with me (why didn't I think that it might be odd that they suddenly decided to include me in their games), they told me to hide and not come out until they call me - and that it might be a while. I told the boys to wait and went to hide. After hours of waiting, I finally peeked out and was surprised to find the playground deserted. Guess what, it took me over 20 years to get the significance of this - it was set up, and I was completely clueless. I wanted to mind my own business, and I was oblivious to what was going on around me - I simply liked riding bikes, that was all. Looking at it now, I don't think I'm far away from where I was in elementary school - still being surprised by people doing things that I don't understand, without trying to get into the thicket and participate - always being in my own head, thinking my own thoughts, listening to others and taking everything as sound truth, walking around dazed in my own ideas, thinking that the world is very simple and that 2 plus 2 always equals 4. So I thought. It's not how it works. All people have emotions, and as I walk through the middle, I touch them, I touch their lives, but I neglect to see what effect it has on them, and I neglect to participate with them closely - listen to what they tell me, respond to their questions, and more. Trying to step into their shoes. Looking at things from their perspective. Not rushing to think I understand them, and I understand everything about them - but getting that I have no idea, no clue - and the only way to know is to listen, to watch, to absorb, and to never assume anything - to see beyond what it seems like on the surface. To never rush into judging, but wait till I cool off and think and project and ask myself - what would I have done if I was in their place?
I need to stop being oblivious. Enough time has passed since the hide and seek game, and I still feel like I am only now coming out of my hiding spot, still wondering - where did everybody go? Still clueless about why did they tell me to stay till they call. Still not understanding why in the world did I not decide to come out earlier - exactly what made me patiently wait for so long? I think I know, but I don't. I think I've figured it out, but I didn't. I act as if nothing happened, but it did. I listened, but I didn't hear. I saw, but I didn't recognize. I felt, but I didn't act. I reached out, but I never touched. Enough. I need to be part of it. But I don't want to. I like my daydreaming. I want to just trust everyone, to never look beyond the surface, I want it to be easy - but it ain't. Why can't life be simple? I guess because we are the ones living it, and we are far from simple, including me - because I am oblivious to how I affect people - because I do. I mingle in the same middle, I play the same games - the only difference is - I only got it now. It's never too late. I've lost count - was it 100, or 1000, or more? I'm ready now, and here I come.
Photo by Lance Neilson.
Reader Comments (2)
Great post! As always your descriptive imagery astounds me. I love your analogy on how people are naturally forced to interact with each other and how people can make assumptions of one another, especially when they feel they are being ignored. Most times all people need is a simple acknowledgement. Hold your head high and smile at everyone! That should keep the playground bullies off your back. ;)
Thanks love - will do :)